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Joke of the Day!

L

lancashire lass

Guest
If you have two people in a boat slapping at each other with the oars, what is it called?

(Answer) Rowed Rage :)
 
L

lancashire lass

Guest
Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died.
He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.
"Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. " They say I died"
" Yes I saw it!" replied Finney.
" Where are ye calling from?":)
 

KeithnRita

Deckhand
If you have two people in a boat slapping at each other with the oars, what is it called?

(Answer) Rowed Rage :)
:eek::eek:

Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died.
He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.
"Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. " They say I died"
" Yes I saw it!" replied Finney.
" Where are ye calling from?":)
::laughalot:
 

Cruisefan

Deckhand
In a recent Interview with Seatrade CEO Pier Luigi Foschi of famed COSTA CROCIERE stated, that boookings are picking up and this past Easter their figures exceeded those of Easter 2011. Experts have come to question this statement and have dne some background checks to see what gives.
here their report:
Costa_auf_PassagierFang.jpg
 
L

lancashire lass

Guest
:biggrinbounce2::biggrinbounce2::biggrinbounce2: Funny for sure:roflmao:
 
L

lancashire lass

Guest
Reilly went to trial for armed robbery. The jury foreman came out and announced, "Not guilty." "That's grand!" shouted Reilly. "Does that mean I can keep the money?"

:dancing_banana:
 

Cruisefan

Deckhand
Myra Horowitz is dining in a fine kosher restaurant in Fort
Lauderdale. She is about to bite into her meal when she
turns to the man sitting alone at the table next to her.

"Pardon me, sir" she says, "your napkin has fallen on the
floor."

"Oy! Tanks for dat. Vitout you, I vouldn't know. I'm
blindt."

He reaches down to find his napkin. Once it's back
on his lap, he asks her if he has spilled any food on his
shirt.

"Hardly at all," she answers, "just a few cracker
crumbs."

"Tanks, again, Missus," he replies, brushing them
off. "Vitout you telling, I vouldn't know dese tings."

A few moments later, he inquires again, "Do you mind I
should ask a poisonal qvestion?"

"Not at all," she replies.

"I don't do vell vit the ladies. Do you tink I'm ugly?"

"You're quite presentable," she replies, "Your looks
shouldn't be a problem."

Smiling now, he exults, "Vat a relief. I vas alvays afraid
to ask. Again, I got to tank you."

A few more moments pass and the lady speaks up. "Do you mind
if I give you a bit of advice?" she asks.

"Soitenly! Listen, I'll take all de help I can get," he
answers.

"Lose the Jewish accent," she replies. "You're a shvartze."
 

KeithnRita

Deckhand
The Blonde and the Tower
This is the story of the poor blonde flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot.
He has a heart attack and dies. She grabs the radio mic and frantically calls a May Day.
"May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead. And I don't know how to fly. Help me! Please help me!"
All of a sudden she hears a voice over the radio saying, "This is the tower. I have received your message and I will talk you through it. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now, just relax. Everything will be fine,Now give me your height and current position."
She says, "I'm5'4" and I'm in the front seat."
"O.K." says the voice from the tower, "Repeat after me: OurFather. . .Who art in Heaven. . . .."
 

KeithnRita

Deckhand
In Case of Fire
I failed a Health and Safety course at work today.
One of the questions was: "In the event of a fire, what steps would you take?"
"Freakin' big ones" was apparently the wrong answer.
 
L

lancashire lass

Guest
:biggrinbounce2:

Q. }What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control a wife?

A}. A bachelor.
 

G.M.T.

Deckhand
“Viagra" is now available in powder form for your tea.
It doesn’t enhance your sexual performance,
but it does stop your biscuit going soft.
 

Cruisefan

Deckhand
An answer I can understand.

An American tourist asks an Irishman:

"Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"
To which the Irishman replies: "If they fell forwards, they'd still be in the bloody boat."
 
L

lancashire lass

Guest
The above two jokes are very funny:biggrinbounce2::laughalot:

stopped at a friend's house the other day and found him stalking around with a fly-swatter. When I asked if he was getting any flies, he answered: 'Yeah, three males and two females.' Curious, I asked how he could tell the difference. He said: 'Three were on a beer can and two were on the phone.'
:biggrinbounce2:
 

Mrslinarcos

Deckhand
The above two jokes are very funny:biggrinbounce2::laughalot:

stopped at a friend's house the other day and found him stalking around with a fly-swatter. When I asked if he was getting any flies, he answered: 'Yeah, three males and two females.' Curious, I asked how he could tell the difference. He said: 'Three were on a beer can and two were on the phone.'
:biggrinbounce2:
:laughalot: :laughalot: That was funny
 
L

lancashire lass

Guest
Murphy told Mick that his wife was driving him to drink. Mick thinks he's very lucky because his own wife makes him walk.:)
 
L

lancashire lass

Guest
A man goes to the doctor and says: 'Doctor, there's a piece of lettuce sticking out of my bottom.' The doctor asks him to drop his trousers and examines him.
The man asks: 'Is it serious, doctor?' and the doctor replies: 'I'm sorry to tell you, but this is just the tip of the iceberg :)
 
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